January 2012
6 posts
Admiring I was probably wrong
Not in love with a person
But what a person can be
I’m hypnotized by the way my pen glides across paper. So emerged in what I’m doing, my eyes hang inches from the page.
December 2011
9 posts
Thirty days to twenty-one.
Never getting outta bed because I miss my mom.
The thing about living in LA is that when you go out on an accidental date - two people having completely different perceptions of the night only to say, “oh hey, I’m gay” - it will probably end up as an episode of the TV show they just sold to ABC.
that moment your girlfriend gets asked to be a stand in for olivia wilde and your celebrity dream and your real life dream collide. what.
finished my last exam and the worst is finally over. two years and a degree and now i have the time and the brain capacity to finally do what i want to do. waiting for the skin to grow back on the nails i bit off and returning to the things i can’t live without.
you try and fight it all off, but there are some things you can’t shake. wondering if you are looking for sadness forever - all these bad scenes feel like they’re out of some shitty book that i never had any interest in reading…but the good times are there and it’s foolish to ignore.
i still feel like my heart got torn out and is lying in the streets of a city i left in...
November 2011
6 posts
something about you and i has always made this huge state seem so small. i’m still waiting for the moment where i walk into a restaurant, a store, a train station, anything, and see your face. your actual face, not just the similarities i desperately search for in everyone else. tell me how i could have memorized a face i’ve never seen in real life. but i do, the eyes, the mouth, the...
i’ve been walking in that same circle for as long as i can remember.
synchronicity.
with my social security card, birth certificate, and passport lost in the mail, i am having somewhat of an identity crisis.
October 2011
7 posts
can’t decide which side is greener
after accidentally deleting four brand new songs, i think i finally made the transition to notebook.
1 tag
in the past month:
horses made of tires in alabama, getting lost in new orleans, the gas station across from our hotel got robbed, the rain followed us out of louisiana and into texas, ox bagina, mexican bakeries and fake moustaches, the best mexican food i ever had in a car wash in el paso, driving next to juarez, my first speeding ticket in new mexico, homemade dumplings in tucson, hydroponics and future financial...
“So, when living, be with death, so that you are a guest in this world, so that...”
– J. Krishnamurti (New Delhi - November 13, 1983) (via predatorywaspobserver)
moved to los angeles, living in los feliz, it’s pretty rad.
You were in my dream last night for the first time in awhile and now I’m driving through the city where you got eloped.
i have my amazon bitch and everything changes.
you guys are all so beautiful.
September 2011
5 posts
The thing about distance is…
and so it goes:
orlando -> new orleans -> austin -> tucson -> los angeles
surrrrreal
cold feet and i’m reminding myself that it will all be over soon. i’m always picturing myself shivering naked, standing alone on a thick sheet of ice, getting ready to jump into a too small hole trying to retrieve something deep, deep under the ice.
cold feet, right.
“Karl Lagerfeld isn’t even that nice. He was only nice to me because he had...”
August 2011
9 posts
the sky is still the limit, but as much as i think about space, maybe it’s not anymore.
the idea of moving cross country in a handful of days has me on the verge of freaking out. it’s impossible to keep my head, but remind myself that “nothing is permanent”.
1 tag
truly had a dream last night that i was eating chesapeake bay blue crab.
waking up has never been more of a let down.
maybe you haven’t finished a song for a few weeks and nothing feels fluid anymore.
except the fluid in your lungs - that feeling like you’re drowning.
1 tag
monsieurmanu: On the same exact night tonight,... →
monsieurmanu:
I met a boy for the very first time. He was handsome (very), intelligent (seemingly), and kind (again, seemingly, but I am now certain that he is all of the above). It was complete chance - neither of us was supposed to be where we were, when we were, but there and then we were. Little did either…
You’re welcome ;)
“She had an overwhelming desire to tell him, like the most banal of women....”
– Milan Kundera
still young enough, i’d do anything for love.
day three, girlfriend
i am splitting into two different people, shoving square pegs into circular holes, and trying to grasp in two opposite directions.
to come to terms with life as it is, settle somewhere warm, go to that colder place every two months.
there’s nothing wrong with having your love split between two coasts, but there’s nothing left to lay down in the middle - just the middleman, the five...
July 2011
20 posts
all this living is just means to an end.
the biggest thing about me is that i know i shouldn’t, but i’m going to do it anyways. the less fortunate thing about me is that half the time i think the world is (only) mine for the taking, so then i’m drunk and rejecting a come on and see the watering behind those eyes and my morning after, my hangover, is not a headache or some nausea, but a long and hard feeling of shame...
Here’s to hoping for raised bumps across your skin, so that I may try and learn Braille and touch to understand you.
well, it’s hard to stay mad about everything with hearts beating into each other, or another thing i hope i never forget.
A thing to remember
Nighttime, sitting in my car, with you in my passenger seat, in park, headlights on, watching a family of raccoons play in a dumpster.
truth:
i gotta stop checking my email when i’m drunk.